Darby Jean #88 - West Ham are tops + Dele Alli dreads update

West Ham are top of the Premier League on goal difference. Go ahead and wrap your head around that piece of information. Ask a random West Ham fan and I bet they insist that goal-difference first place is way more their style than out-of-sight first place. Never mind. The dust will settle on this farce once the screw of European nights gets turned on the undermanned Hammers. For now, it's best to drink in the absurdity.

Michail Antonio celebrating with his friend.

Michail Antonio celebrates with himself

(speaking of absurdity)
Keys to the game:

Develop helmet football running back-style physique
Drink blood of opponent
SMASH home insurance goal on team’s home opener
Celebrate with, then abruptly discard, cardboard cutout of onesself

Look at you: all young, and thin… (FORBES)

Julian Nagelsman: Title Hamster

After Bayern Munich lifted the German Super Cup last week (the Super Cup is a lot like the FA Community Shield, which is to say, pointless) Nagelsman, Bayern’s 34 year-old manager, and one-half of super group, Pathos!, joked that he hopes to “hoard titles in the way hamsters store food.”

"You can see that I have such small hamster teeth -- I'd like to be a title hamster," he joked.

My stars, I fucking love this. Whoever gave Nagelsman this kind of panache must be celebrated. I hope he and Thomas Muller are working up an act together. I’ve said it before, pals: do NOT turn a blind eye to versatility. It's there to be enjoyed.

Jiminez head gear = nuts

You may remember that Wolves’ Raul Jimenez fractured his skull last year and had to miss most of the season as a result. That's a big time bummer, is all that is.

Jiminez is back now, and he has to wear protective headgear for insurance purposes. Just like Petr Chech.

And pals, the headband-y thing that Jiminez has to rock is wild. It's a breathtaking piece of millinery: contoured and heavily padded, yet somehow chic overall.

Glad to have you back, Raul. May the goals pour freely from you like the finest Mezcal.

Dele Alli dreads update

They’re still there. Growing in strength and in presence. One of them is dyed green. They’re taking over, now. Growing quickly.

We cannot get out. We cannot ge...

YES, Danny Ings

Danny Ings, Aston Villa’s freshly inked Duke of Ink (which could be condensed to Dink, if you’re in a rush, even though a) it isn't perfect; and b) what’s your hurry?) scored one of the finer overhead goals in recent memory, and followed it up with a truly excellent knee slide celly to the corner flag. Love a good watered pitch. Boss hog stuff.