Darby Jean #99 | rigmarOLE, starring Man Utd.

Imagine finding yourself after a day's work at a grocery store where, on your wife’s recommendation, you’ve gone to look for new glasses (despite your misgivings). Imagine being furious with your entire family for no reason before leaving your home for an appointment with this groptometrist. Imagine arriving at the shop to learn that appointments there don’t exist, and that you must instead wait behind an oblivious, arrogant woman named Julie fucking Davidson, who decided to pop in with her broken glasses and mountain of shopping that blocked the entire entryway.

Imagine Julie Davidson losing the screw for her ailing glasses just before the groptometrist took her in. Imagine looking for the screw on Julie Davidson’s behalf because you are nothing less than a perfectly formed Canadian human. Imagine feeling disgusted by Julie Davidson for a range of reasons not relevant to this post.

Imagine it only being a Tuesday. Imagine having to wait a further 96 hours for a trip to Toronto to watch Saturday footy with your pals. Imagine feeling utterly undone for a few moments. Imagine it feeling the most like adulthood that it’s ever felt. Imagine that.

Imagine this! Canada tops CONACAF.

All Jeanerists please note that the Canadian Men’s National Team is at the toppermost of the poppermost in its CONCACAF World Cup qualifying group, YA BAS!

The Inevitable One - OGS fired

Returning to the subject of aimless arseholes, the sleazebag cabal known as the Glazer family has at last dispatched Ole Gunnar Solskjaer. This was a sacking so in the mail as to be stuck in the postman’s bag. And when it finally arrived, it landed with a whimper. How fitting, given that, for all the star power at Old Trafford, there’s been so little about Manchester United this season that has felt emphatic.

Poor Ole. His United legend doesn’t deserve to be sullied by a group of turncoat Floridians whose track record since 2013 suggests a business strategy hamstrung by a singular 20-year footballing past and a disappointing 20 months on the NYSE.

A different departure was called for. He deserved to step away of his own accord - or at least have it appear that way - and leave as he’d arrived: an apparently reluctant custodian doing his part for his club.

It can’t be helped that Ole wasn’t quite up to a job that is increasingly impossible to perform. The Glazers and Ed Woodward have made being manager/head coach at Manchester United one of the least accessible jobs in football. No one at the club seems to know how to do it properly, or want it done particularly well, which stems from having no one at the club apparently in charge when it comes to on-field matters.

Solskjaer didn’t deserve to wear the failures of a club whose extreme commercial bent means that increasingly only decisions that are good for the Red Devil brand get made. Perhaps the Glazers will ask someone with qualifications outside of the financial sector to properly consult on Manchester United’s true purpose before worrying too closely about who might fit as a suitable guide for its next chapter.

It's a GLASSES BATTLE, and Dani Alves is winning.

It warms my heart to know that Dani Alves, and satorical gall of this nature, still exists. Stepped glasses? You TRICKY little devil.