Darby Jean #91 | Ronaldo! Fernandes! Tanganga!
The Jeaner comes at you a day late because of a Monday night babysitting shift that nearly tore my household apart. My children, my son mainly, played keep away with my emotions for the entire night, causing me to spill the pot of soup my wife had made, and do one of those hands-on-bathroom vanity-stare-at-yourself-in-the-mirror moves. The whole thing had the feeling of a wet Tuesday night in Stoke, if you understand that trope, though I was not, as the saying goes, able to get it done.
Alas, we move on. A special shout to American Jeanerists along the Coasts Gulf and East. I do hope you're staying safe during storm season.
¡Siuuuuuu!
It was cool watching Ronaldo get his goals on his United re-debut against Newcastle. His signature 180-jump-to-pelvic explosion post goal celly is enjoyable in the same way that a People’s Elbow or Stone Cold Stunner is enjoyable: it’s pure, ridiculous exuberance. And if there’s one footballer who can deliver a pop like a wrestler, it’s Ronaldo.
TASERBEAM! Decent Bruno Fernandes goal.
¡Vamo!
I like a good cry of ¡Vamo! (¡let’s go!) in the background when all the players are piling on and waving their fists around after a goal. It sounds fantastic. Bruno Fernandes, the little scamp, has a great ¡Vamo! (He also murdered a Taserbeam this weekend). He uses his entire body, and kinda throws his shoulders back and smiles a little. It’s pretty solid. At this point you have to figure that some of the English boys have started saying it just to stay on the field. Feels like a solid Eric Dier move. Maybe Andy Robertson? He's Scottish, but who knows? ¡Vamo!
Tanganga clotheslines Zaha.
¡Tanganga!
Spurs new-ish boy Japhet Tanganga nearly beheaded Crystal Palace’s Wifried Zaha after the latter tried to turn the corner down the line on the centre back on Saturday. After an unknown Hotspur had gone to ground with an injury, Palace played on, which you shouldn’t really do, even though you can.
Anyway, Zaha turned on the jets, thinking he could rinse Tanganga for speed, and instead found out the young Englishman’s feelings on his poor etiquette, getting flattened by a wild Tangangan shove that was made worse by speed and rage. To his credit, Zaha popped right back up and took a swing at Tanganga, which led to a spirited exchange-cum-melee that made for a rewarding watch.
The situation caused Tanganga to lose his mind. He was booked again soon after and sent off. Spurs went on to lose 3-0 from there, which means the top of the league good times are at an end for the time being.
A text from Sleigh Bells (resident Jeaner Spursman)
“Wtf happened to the Spurs today?? I am thunderstruck about this result”
I can’t begin to tell you what it meant to me to read the term ‘Thunderstruck’ in a text message. Innovation comes in beguiling forms, pal’s. Embrace it as it’s set before you. Spurs will recover. My heart from this may not.